In early August, I was coming home from a dance camp with my team when at a rest stop, I had received a text from my best friend from back in Boston. She had informed me that a fellow classmate had died from suicide and that is what made my heart stop. For me, that subject was never something I would think about to happen to someone that I knew.
I did not know him on a personal level but we did have a few conversations and he had been in my middle school. Middle school was a rough time for all of us and that was when I had hit rock bottom and I felt depressed all the time and I would think that something like that would possibly happen but I never let it, but to know someone that I met during that time had gone through the same thing was completely shocking. People tend to cover up their pain rather than having others ask them about it.
I tried to forget what happened as it made me feel guilty feeling so upset because I did not go to school with him for 9 years or I did not know him on a personal level (I did have a tiny crush on him in 8th grade). I knew I should not be crying but that was what I did for the next few days. Then I stopped. Suicide is never funny and I hate when people make jokes about it, you will never understand why until you feel like it is the only choice you have to make.
Earlier that year, I realized that I did not want to be sad anymore but true happiness was my only goal and that is what I achieved. After his death, I realized that you learn from a passing of another and discover yourself doing so. Life is too short to be sad and do what you do not want to do. I feel like that I could have done something to stop it but I really could not as I was never in contact with him after I had moved.
So I tried whatever I can do to help myself and the others around me. Having heard that life is too short to regret but that is what I do, so I decided to change that.
Today would have been his 17th birthday and I am looking at the past year and how it had helped me to live life to the complete fullest I possibly could.
I have ended a few friendships with people who made me feel bad about myself and leading me back into a dark place. I became friends with people who I had the same music taste and learning new things. I became more confident on approaching guys and talking to guys (except for a guy that I really like) and I had a boyfriend. I am not freaking out over a complete fail over a test anymore. I openly told people my story and completely changed as a person by doing so. I am no longer judging people and I used to. I have had so many firsts within the past year and soon will be my first year of being officially happy.
Learn from your sadness and create the happy person that you want to be. It does take a while but never give up.
If you are feeling depressed and feel like there is no hope, I promise to keep pushing it through. I was someone who believed that but took life a chance and experienced the beauty that life has to offer. Yes the darkness does come back after a while but I promise keep pushing through.
Find someone to talk to if you are ever upset. I promise it does get better.
I love you.