another sleepless night | a poem

this is a poem that i just found from two years ago, hope you enjoy.

You made me stay up for the past three years at night, afraid of what you might,
I cannot talk to you for the fear of you being like the rest, you getting bored with me and leave so I did it for you.
Yet you came back three times and yet I still pushed you away. I am scared whenever I see your name on my phone.
I am sick that I can never be like everyone, always able to talk to each other without fear.
That is not me.
I used to be fearless when I saw your name but that sadly ended. And the third year now of it and I realize that I do not know your story, I do not know how you feel and that makes me feel guilty.
Maybe there are all those girls talking to you as I stare at my phone alone and afraid to open what you said.
Right now I wonder what would happen if I continued this, would it be weird?
I hope one day I will go back home and hopefully forget all my fears and tell you that I was scared.
Scared of what you thought of me.
Scared that you might leave.
Scared that you might hurt me.
And scared that I will go back to that dark place afraid of what I might do.
But that is what I get for overthinking.
So here it is another sleepless night feeling guilty.

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