How Death Changed Me

In early August, I was coming home from a dance camp with my team when at a rest stop, I had received a text from my best friend from back in Boston. She had informed me that a fellow classmate had died from suicide and that is what made my heart stop. For me, that subject was never something I would think about to happen to someone that I knew.

I did not know him on a personal level but we did have a few conversations and he had been in my middle school. Middle school was a rough time for all of us and that was when I had hit rock bottom and I felt depressed all the time and I would think that something like that would possibly happen but I never let it, but to know someone that I met during that time had gone through the same thing was completely shocking. People tend to cover up their pain rather than having others ask them about it.

I tried to forget what happened as it made me feel guilty feeling so upset because I did not go to school with him for 9 years or I did not know him on a personal level (I did have a tiny crush on him in 8th grade). I knew I should not be crying but that was what I did for the next few days. Then I stopped. Suicide is never funny and I hate when people make jokes about it, you will never understand why until you feel like it is the only choice you have to make.

Earlier that year, I realized that I did not want to be sad anymore but true happiness was my only goal and that is what I achieved. After his death, I realized that you learn from a passing of another and discover yourself doing so. Life is too short to be sad and do what you do not want to do. I feel like that I could have done something to stop it but I really could not as I was never in contact with him after I had moved.

So I tried whatever I can do to help myself and the others around me. Having heard that life is too short to regret but that is what I do, so I decided to change that.

Today would have been his 17th birthday and I am looking at the past year and how it had helped me to live life to the complete fullest I possibly could.

I have ended a few friendships with people who made me feel bad about myself and leading me back into a dark place. I became friends with people who I had the same music taste and learning new things. I became more confident on approaching guys and talking to guys (except for a guy that I really like) and I had a boyfriend. I am not freaking out over a complete fail over a test anymore. I openly told people my story and completely changed as a person by doing so. I am no longer judging people and I used to. I have had so many firsts within the past year and soon will be my first year of being officially happy.

Learn from your sadness and create the happy person that you want to be. It does take a while but never give up.

If you are feeling depressed and feel like there is no hope, I promise to keep pushing it through. I was someone who believed that but took life a chance and experienced the beauty that life has to offer. Yes the darkness does come back after a while but I promise keep pushing through.

Find someone to talk to if you are ever upset. I promise it does get better.

I love you.

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NYFW Rebecca Minkoff Runway Show

Last week was the time of year where fashion bloggers and street style icons rushed to Lincoln Center in New York City to experience the excitement to see their favorite designer’s new collections!

My most favorite on has to been the Rebecca Minkoff show. I loved how she re-created the 70’s style into pieces for a modern working girl without looking like a sad looking vintage dress that my grandmother would have worn. The colors are perfect, the outfits are perfect, everything about the collection is absolute perfection.

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I hope to be able to afford her pieces one day.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these photos. 

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How I Show Love

Today is the day where one should show off their love for one another. Seeing couples presenting each other with bears and chocolates seem cute and all, but to those who do not know how to show people that they love them is hard.

As I was at SAT class today, my teacher explained how his wife came from a family who did not celebrate anything and did not want to do anything today. I thought that maybe there is a different way to show her husband that she loves him.

I am not one to show off how much they care about others because if I did, they probably would not care and I will feel rejected. So if those who do not if I care, it is hard for me and here are the small ways I will show I care.

  • I will allow you to take a handful of lifesaver gummies (those are my favorite) when I had other take one and I will give you the last one.
  • I will call you weirdo or loser because somehow I tend to tease those who I care about the most
  • If you are hanging with my friends, I will join.
  • Talking loudly so I can try to get your attention.
  • Sharing my food (or someone else’s food) with you.
  • Just by looking at you in the corner of my eye.

I am not the one to try to tell the guy I like that I have feelings towards him in case that my heart will be broken yet again. But remember, if someone does not show you love it is maybe because it is hard for them to open up. Make sure they feel safe and are emotionally ready. If someone breaks your heart, it is not the end of the world.

Keep loving.

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Single Girls Valentine’s Day Present

As Valentine’s Day is coming closer and every couple has been sucking face, it comes down to those who will sadly not be receiving and chocolate or flowers tomorrow. For those who are not going to receive a treat from anyone, why not have a treat for yourself?

I am a girl who loves Gossip Girl, like most girls. For Christmas, I got a Chuck Bass sweater and for Valentine’s Day, Mr. Ed Westwick himself is releasing a t-shirt with him most famous line.

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I cannot wait to receive this shirt! I love the sweater and I hope you guys will buy this beautiful person as well! Buy this shirt here!

Just because you don’t have a boy to share the love with, loving yourself is way more important. Treat yourself with anything and remember it is just another day.

Disclaimer: This picture is not mine and this is NOT sponsored. 

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Alis Jams: Flower by Cody Simpson

Hey everyone! Long time, no actual text post. Here is another small text as life has became more busy (junior year is sucky) so I only have little time, or I am kind of lazy.

Recently Cody Simpson had released his new single “Flower” from his upcoming album Free. I have been following Mr. Simpson for about a few years including a follow from both him and his sister, Alli, on Twitter. As my music style has changed from pop to punk and beachy tunes, Cody changed in his music as well. I quite pleased about him maturing in his music, going from bubblegum pop “All Day” to John Mayer meets Jack Johnson “Flower”, I am excited to hear his new stuff. Being a close age together, growing up can change someone drastically and I am excited to hear more of his new music to come without anyone having a say on what he should write about so it would be popular. Listen to me kids, sometimes people will be telling you things to do that will consider yourself ‘worthy’ or whatever, but thanks to Cody, he shows that just because he is a famous singer doesn’t mean he has to follow what others are doing to be successful.

Here is “Flower” , also get it on iTunes for free!