A year ago from today, I had lost someone who was dear and close to me. I had my grandmother. The only death I have experienced since my fishes, bunny and my great grandmother (I did not understand death when she left), that actually hit me like a boulder. It was painful.
Around Thanksgiving of 2012, I went with my mom to visit my grandmother for a few days, but seeing her very weak and much older than I remember, it made me cry. I knew her health was declining but not as quickly as I thought. She kept getting sicker and sicker, she was put in a hospital which seemed like it was almost ending. Seeing her lying there unable to move was horrible. But the good thing was she was able to talk.
But a few months passed, I shook and starting feeling scared each time the phone rang if there any news about my grandmother’s state. I had not realized how bad it had gotten until we had met her in the Hospice in Pittsburgh. Having growing up there, visiting every Christmas since I have moved, I always enjoyed how we always talked and she would always offer me her KFC, but that was slowly fading away. When I first saw her in that bed at the Hospice, I could not deal with it. I literally ran out of there crying unable to keep it in. I stayed out of that room and waited in the family room until it was time to leave. I had met a little girl there who did not understand what was going on but the women with her was in tears and she gave me a hug for support.
My mom had stayed and slept on a chair in that room with my grandmother, so she wasn’t alone for that weekend. I felt like my grandmother just wanted to give up but she was fighting for us. I felt guilty doing stuff and having fun with my other family while she laid in her bed slowly fading away.
She died March 3rd 2013 around 10:30 am on a Sunday, she was 87 years old. My mom was there, watching the snow fall, she looked back as my grandmother took her last breath. I was with my maternal aunt when we got the call. Lets just say that it hit me the hardest. I had gone to see her body later that day and it was so hard to kiss her cold self and say ‘goodbye’ but it had to be done.
I barely told anyone about my grandmother’s death, so lets just say I held a brave face a lot during that week. I also questioned myself why I had gone to school and dance the next day but it was better to forget that it had happened. I had a meeting with guidance counselor that week, I guess she wanted to ask about how school was going and lets just say I broke down crying because I holding a lot in.
If you are dealing with the downward spiral of you grandparent’s heath, you are not alone. Speak up if you are in pain. Talk to someone trustworthy. You can cry, it is okay, it has been a year and I still do. Everything gets better with time and remember they are in a better place. Just think that they’re watching over you, they are and will always be proud of you even if you cannot talk or see them anymore. The future might be a scary place without your loved one, but remember you can always talk to them. They are there, even if you believe it or not.